Hi Guys,
This week’s topic is actually one of the more surprising and challenging things about engagements and weddings. Even if you have the healthiest family in the world, the planning process can lead to much more family drama than they ever expected. Unfortunately, I do not have a magic solution to this problem. I wish I did! However, what I hope to do is explain a little bit about why this drama occurs and suggest healthy ways to mitigate it without putting permanent strain on relationships. One thing I hope you remember is that you or your marriage are not cursed if you have family drama. Seriously. This is so completely normal, and it is actually a great opportunity to start building healthy communication habits with your new in-laws and to establish a “new normal” with your own family as you transition from being someone’s daughter to someone’s wife.
Family drama is heightened around weddings because there are multiple people who have dreams about what your wedding day will look like. For example, your mom has probably been thinking about what your wedding will be like since you were running around the house in diapers. Your mother-in-law will also have an opinion on what your wedding should look like as well, not to mention your groom’s own opinions! They all have their own expectations, and chances are, none of those expectations are the same. Family drama results whenever expectations clash…which is fairly often.
Another reason family drama occurs is that while the family members you invite to your wedding probably adore you, they may not be so fond of each other. Families can be full of love, consideration, and patience, but they can also be full of broken relationships and decade-long grudges. For example, regardless of how much your grandparents love you, it might be really hard for them to accept the fact that they have to be near the person they divorced in 1975. Getting married means that your feuding family members will be required to be in the same room as each other if they want to come to the wedding.This a hard fact that many couples do not expect when planning a wedding. Again, it’s just part of the territory.
Even though there is really no way to avoid family drama during the wedding planning process, there are definitely ways to minimize its long-term impact. The first suggestion I have is that your dealing-with-drama motto should be “respond, don’t react.” That whole “sticks and stones may break your bones but words can never hurt you” saying is just dumb. Words are powerful, and the last thing you want to do is react to a family member when tensions are high that you will regret long after your wedding. If you are worked up, please be willing to take a second to think before you speak. If you go into a potentially challenging conversation with this mindset, you are much more likely to engage in healthy communication.
Speaking of communication, DO IT. Do not be afraid to give your honest opinion to your mom or mother-in-law, as long as you use tact. If you have a different preference, tell them! One small compromise to avoid a conflict may seem like nothing at first, but before you know it your wedding will look exactly like someone else’s dream wedding, not yours. Additionally, tell your key people to be honest with you from the beginning! Not only will this eliminate the potential for unspoken expectations, it will establish a healthy communication pattern for the future.
Weddings can bring challenging family drama, but you can be bigger than the drama! Give your family members grace, respond don’t react, and communicate. This will help you keep emotions at bay and help build a healthy foundation for the future. You can do it!
HALIE LEWIS WEDDINGS 